Nine years of disappearance


I saw you for the last time in January 2008, at the funeral of our grandfather.
We were seated next to each other at the kitchen table.

I was busy preparing a souvenir video. You helped me.

It was more than three o’clock in the morning. You asked me why I was trying to finish a project too big for the little time I had before me.
I replied, “So that we can see Grandpa at least once as we knew him before the disease, before Alzheimer’s.”

If I saw you again today Marilyn, could I recognize you?

Tonight I look at pictures of you. What’s going on in your life right now? Are you even still alive?

These images are precious. I do not know if I will have others one day. I wish I had more.

I still do not know what happened on February 17, 2008.

If you have reasons for not coming back, I will understand them, but say something, please.
If a tragedy hit you and maybe shame stifles you, know that the past does not matter. Only the present and the future count.
If you are forced into silence, please know that I will continue to look for you, telling myself that even in the darkest hours some people clung to the hope that finally prevailed.

Even when something seems inevitable, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I told you this sentence in February 2008, just a few days before you disappeared and I still believe in it today.


8 Years Missing


We say that we have a sister like she belongs to us.
One understands that having a sister is being indebted for life when she disappears.
Sometimes two sisters celebrate their centenary side by side; their frail shoulders welded to the other as the deep friendship that endures forever.
Sometimes sisters do not know each other, they live their lives their separate ways, not having – or not taking – the time to share new events together.
Sometimes two sisters are separated at birth or later, by human error or death, always tragic regardless of the circumstances.
Sometimes a sister goes missing.

The other sister remains in the shadows in silence, wondering what happened, trying to follow in the footsteps, to understand where the shoes of the other led her.
The disappearance only brings torment, a thick fog that does not dissipate with the passing years.
In trying to find her, we see thousands of beautiful and often smiling faces still held at arm’s length by family members, also frozen in time.
Sometimes another person tells me about the disappearance of their sister, caused by Alzheimer’s, abduction, runaway, mental illness, human trafficking, or else.

A sister is a bit of childhood that can never be lost.
Marion C. Garretty

Every day I miss my sister.
Every day I hope she remembers that she can count on me.
I may never find an answer to the disappearance of Marilyn. I may even never see Marilyn again but in my heart I know I’ll always have a sister.

Seven years ago, Marilyn disappeared.


I’m still looking in my memories for the mirror that I must have broken since that fateful day when I began my search for her.

Seven… A magic number according to some beliefs.
Seven… The age of reason, the sabbatical year, the deadly sins, the wonders of the world, the women of Bluebeard, and the art of cinema.

Seven years already since you went for a walk, Marilyn, and never returned. Who would have thought? Certainly not me, nor the person I know as my sister.

What has struck me in the last seven years? This question comes up a lot these days.Tonight, seven words echo in my head:

Hope. The favorite one. The only one who holds up all the families of missing persons to live and to carry-on. I hope to use it for something else one day.
No. For the number of times I have heard “No” in the last seven years. Too bad for those who believed that it would make me give up.
Family. For the survival of my family despite the pain, and for our ability to still have fun regardless.
Violence. To emphasize my exasperation with the people who are content to say nothing for the victims. You know who you are. You should demand more.
Pizza oven. To represent all the horror stories that I have heard as a necessary evil to advance the investigation of a missing person.
Illness. When all hypotheses are considered, I learn more about unhappiness, human exploitation, and mental illness. There are too many people who feel lonely.
Silence. For people who do not speak and that should perhaps try, just to feel better.

Seven years. Here’s what the “Espace Citoyens” told me:
Seven years after the person’s disappearance, the Superior Court may pronounce a declaratory judgment of death.

This time, it’s me who says, “No.”
Because I still hope, with the invaluable support of my family and friends, to find my sister alive. I am fortunate to be neither sick nor beaten; nor I do not fear “pizza ovens” or any other disaster scenarios. I will never be silent about the disappearance of my sister Marilyn. I will continue to fight to find her.

Like my little girl would say, I love you all (seven) days of the week Marilyn.
Please give me a sign.

Nath xx

Already six years.


Is it even possible that six years have already passed ?

I was in New York, this city we were going to visit together. I gave you the choice between Coachella or NY for this sisterhood trip that we talked about for such a long time. Since then, I have politely declined almost all invitations to attend concerts. Without you, the music no longer resonates in my heart the same way.

New York is covered with snow. It took me nearly two days to finally arrive in Quebec City. I will spend several weeks there before returning to California, going back to work, getting married, losing loved ones, giving birth to Lætitia, attending weddings, supporting people divorcing, changing work, adopting a puppy…

Six years have passed. I live this parallel life in which I search… And will search for you without loosing hope of finding you.

I looked for you all over the world, in capitals and villages, police stations, charity organizations, in a movie, at the FBI Headquarter, in the press, on the Internet, by mail, by telephone, by letter, and so on. I searched among old friends who remember you and among your acquaintances that I did not know. I searched with extraordinary strangers with heart of gold.

We all look for you in our own way. Constantly, frequently, or occasionally.

I look for you. We will continue, relentlessly, to try to find you with the resources that we have. We will not loose hope.

I hope that luck will smile at me and finally I will find you, even if I don’t know what I will find.


Your body.

The shadow of what you were.


Six years already. I miss you like the first day.

Please give me a sign.

Nath xx

The movie “Absences” is now officially released!


Absence sometimes gives us strength that we did not expect.

Now Playing! The film “Absences” by Carole Laganière, in which I participated following the disappearance of my sister Marilyn.

A beautiful piece of cinema with special effects on the soul! Please find the movie trailer below in French.
Montreal: Excentris Cinema September 20 to 26: 6:10PM except September 24: 12:45PM, 9:10PM
Quebec: Cartier Cinema during the Film Festival of Quebec City (FCVQ) September 22: 2:00PM

I particularly salute the courage of the three other protagonists of the film: Ines Hajrovic, Deni Yvan Béchard, and Colette Sauvageau.

Carole, thank you again for your wonderful film that gives me such a great opportunity to find Marilyn. Thank you to believe in it as much as I do …

“The cinema is a dream made possible”.
Juliette Binoche (Loose translation!)

Missing for Five Years, Open Letter to Marilyn


Dear Marilyn,

For five years now you have not been a part of my life.
I hope that this is a personal choice, but doubt and anxiety sober me.
What happened to you?

The reality of your loss sinks in every day, but I cannot adapt to the worries.
It gnaws the heart… Responses that never come. Your voice only resonates in the past.

In the meantime, I’m still looking for you.

I wish I could express to you once more the love I have for you, which in turn carries the hope.
The words are missing, just as you are, and I miss you. Fortunately, I still have the memories and hope.

I have dreams that are light as wings,
That leave me their joy to the heart, in souvenir,
That always fly back forever
I have dreams that are like swallows.
– Translation of ”Rêves” by Albert Lozeau. (5-8)

Write me if you can ( If you cannot, know that I will not forget you.

Your sister who loves you,
Nathalie xxx